In the 60's,  people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird & people  take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second  oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance  to the first.

Life is  sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at  which one can die.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,  lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.

A penny saved is ... not much!

If at first you don't succeed, get new batteries!

When the blind leadeth the bind ... get out of the way!!

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Life's a buffet... so eat me!

Snatch a kiss, or vice versa.

Air is a lot like sex, it's no big deal unless you're not getting any!!